Update: My dad is doing much better now. He conquered C-diff and is on the mend from the aortal aneurysm surgery. What a surgery, what a recovery! Thanks for the prayers.
My inlaws have gotten out from under their big fat hairy mortgage by selling the house they built. They have purchased and are slightly renovating a more reasonable home. If only they had stayed in their original home. That mortgage had almost been paid off.... the upside is that they were able to get enough from the one home to buy this other house (a foreclosure, amazing how much property you can get these days). They have a huge yard that I would plant a monster garden in... that's just me though. I'm all about planting vs. buying! Call me cheap....
The kids are FINALLY out of school. I'm loving having nightly bonfires in the fire pit. What a great thing.
School is kicking my butt.... apparently I'm taking the stopper class of the program. Ugh. Must make it through.... must stop being an academic perfectionist.
Work is hectic, my pain is pretty bad (hence the lag in posts). But, I'm happy. I'm grateful my dad is better and that I've got great kids. But why is it that Super Girl likes to wear her sweat shirt hoods so that she looks like the Unibomber? I have made a no unibomber in the house rule.
I just wish Hubby could pick his career goal.... he is working a job, not a career. He knows he needs to go back to school but is paralyzed by the daunting task at hand. I get it, but time to move on!!
There is nothing better than a swing in the summer time.....
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Egads!
Contact dermatitis. Hello, sounds somewhat innocent, but let me tell you! It is not! I don't know what it is that I'm allergic to, but darn it, I'm allergic to something!
I am on round 3 of this icky yucky itch. My doctor was al about prescribing steroids, but the real issue is that I must learn what the heck it is that I need to avoid. If you can tell me about the vine in my last post I will bow to your horticulture genius.
I'll admit it, life is crazy enough... I do not need itchy madness!!!!! Can I just say that Calomine does not do the trick?
On th bright side of things I am learning TONS in my masters classes. I'm working my ass off, but I'm learning a ton. Yay for learning!
BTW --- GO WINGS!!!!
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
This and that....
Is the above poison ivy? I don't know, but I've already had several severe "contact dermatitis" situations this year and I'm not happy about it. I'm sorry, but I don't like to scratch until I bleed.....
We are on a Topsy Turvy ROLL! 6 tomatoe plants have been planted and now he is planting cucumbers..... We shall feast shall we not?
Spring came and it was beautiful.....
Travel brought me and some new friends to appreciate sunsets on the shore. It is nice to have a perk like this to go along with work travel.
How is time flying so very quickly?
Good news: my dad is much better. He is on the slow road to recovery. I am grateful at how lucky and blessed we are to still have him. Thanks for the prayers!
Super Girl seems bound and determined to spend time at summer school this year. Not the choice I thought she'd make, but if she is determined then it will be her destiny.
My pain is pretty bad... travel is kicking my butt and weather change is always a challenge. My how graduate school is challenging as well! Yep, crazy hectic times around here... does this ever change?
It is in the small quiet moments when you see the sunset on the blooms that you know the frantic pace does not matter... right now matters. I hope all is well with you right now. When I stop and take a deep breath I am grateful for the mercy of this moment right now.....
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Resilience
Hubby and I had a great conversation about basic resilience this week. Recently I have lost patience with my sister who says things like "Well, if mom were here...."
For me, I can not live life this way. I can not consider the possibility of "if mom were here" because it makes her loss the focus of my life. I can't think about how she'd help me out in this situation or that because it distracts me from the problem solving that I must do now. How can I get through the task if I think about how much easier it would be with my mom's help? I often think about what she would think or say, but I simply can not consider what she would do to help us or what it would be like to have her here still. I can't have my mom here, so I can't consider it (other than to smile at the things I know would make her smile).
I also look at chronic pain this way. I was in my auto accident in 2001. My life was changed forever. I have never had a painless day since the accident. If I stop and say "Wow, imagine what my life would be without pain" then I'll struggle to get through my life with the pain. The pain is a constant, imagining life without it does me no good since I must live my life with it. If I moan and groan and say "Oh poor me" then I will not live my life to my full potential. Living this way I could never enjoy the moment I have right now. If I consider what it would be like I then must mourn for something I can't have. Why not celebrate what I DO have instead?
Am I crazy? Perhaps this is what resilience is all about? If you celebrate the now, embrace the possibilities, and move on from the impossibilities, I have to believe you live a happier life. I don't have time to be bitter. I can grieve, I can miss my mom, but I can not entertain what I can't have. I can celebrate what I had and be grateful I had it. I can live with my pain as long as I don't consider the possibility of living without it.
I wish this strength of will worked for my diet.
For me, I can not live life this way. I can not consider the possibility of "if mom were here" because it makes her loss the focus of my life. I can't think about how she'd help me out in this situation or that because it distracts me from the problem solving that I must do now. How can I get through the task if I think about how much easier it would be with my mom's help? I often think about what she would think or say, but I simply can not consider what she would do to help us or what it would be like to have her here still. I can't have my mom here, so I can't consider it (other than to smile at the things I know would make her smile).
I also look at chronic pain this way. I was in my auto accident in 2001. My life was changed forever. I have never had a painless day since the accident. If I stop and say "Wow, imagine what my life would be without pain" then I'll struggle to get through my life with the pain. The pain is a constant, imagining life without it does me no good since I must live my life with it. If I moan and groan and say "Oh poor me" then I will not live my life to my full potential. Living this way I could never enjoy the moment I have right now. If I consider what it would be like I then must mourn for something I can't have. Why not celebrate what I DO have instead?
Am I crazy? Perhaps this is what resilience is all about? If you celebrate the now, embrace the possibilities, and move on from the impossibilities, I have to believe you live a happier life. I don't have time to be bitter. I can grieve, I can miss my mom, but I can not entertain what I can't have. I can celebrate what I had and be grateful I had it. I can live with my pain as long as I don't consider the possibility of living without it.
I wish this strength of will worked for my diet.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Resistance is futile.
How can I resist this face? Sure, she pees on the kids clothes if they leave them on the floor.... but hey, don't leave your clothes on the floor! Weather changes are kicking my behind... chronic pain does not love large swings in temperature. Thermacare is kept in business by me... buy stock, you will be wealthy!
A friend told me to have my kids write essays when they misbehave. This is fun. Super Girl is now immune to losing TV, ipod, computer, etc. I have her write to justify her case. It is interesting to get her point of view in a written format vs. incoherent whining. Can I just say she even made an idea map for why she should get the ipod back?
Smart kid... if only she used her powers for good.....
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day!
I hate Mother's Day. Dare I admit it? I dread it coming and I'm happy to see it going. I had a great mom and each year I still grieve her loss and wish this day didn't exist in my world. Let the rest of the world celebrate, just let me hide while you do it so I don't have to miss her so. I wonder if I will ever enjoy this holiday again? For those who still have your mom alive please hug her and appreciate her! It is so hard when your mother is gone.
On a brighter note -- my dad is gaining more and more of his independence back. I'm so proud of him. He has fought so hard to survive! I am once again inspired by the example my parents have given me. If I were only half as good as them!
We are loving our new dog -- somehow she is the perfect calming influence for the fawn pug while at the same time bringing our docile greyhound out of his shell. I love our trio of silly dogs. I also would recommend to anyone the leash splitter that allows you to walk two dogs on one leash. This is the best invention EVER for use with 2 pugs. I can't yet walk all three dogs at once (I'd be doomed doing so if they greyhound spotted a rabbit). As of now walking is a two person activity.... I think that is a good thing.
Little time for blogging lately but at least I know it is because I'm busy living (vs. crawling in a hole due to pain or depression). Pain is worse but I know it is due to weather changes, lack of excercise, and stress. All of this will improve so I can make it through! The only time depression is really getting to me is when I focus on the grief vs. the joy of life. I think I'll focus on the joy more... how about you?
On a brighter note -- my dad is gaining more and more of his independence back. I'm so proud of him. He has fought so hard to survive! I am once again inspired by the example my parents have given me. If I were only half as good as them!
We are loving our new dog -- somehow she is the perfect calming influence for the fawn pug while at the same time bringing our docile greyhound out of his shell. I love our trio of silly dogs. I also would recommend to anyone the leash splitter that allows you to walk two dogs on one leash. This is the best invention EVER for use with 2 pugs. I can't yet walk all three dogs at once (I'd be doomed doing so if they greyhound spotted a rabbit). As of now walking is a two person activity.... I think that is a good thing.
Little time for blogging lately but at least I know it is because I'm busy living (vs. crawling in a hole due to pain or depression). Pain is worse but I know it is due to weather changes, lack of excercise, and stress. All of this will improve so I can make it through! The only time depression is really getting to me is when I focus on the grief vs. the joy of life. I think I'll focus on the joy more... how about you?
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Healing
My dad really has turned the corner! I'm so glad that he can stay home alone now.
Between you and I, I will admit it. It is amazing how hard it is to be a caregiver on top of my normal crazy life. Surviving this, my kids, my work, starting grad school.... it has been a LOT to digest and survive.
It also is funny how you see people for who they are when they are given the opportunity to rise to the challenge. I have more respect that ever for my older brother. I have less respect that ever before for my brother inlaw (who was not supportive to my sister -- hello.... he expected her to have his dinner ready when he got home during this madness? What about taking something off her plate for once?).
I am relieved tonight that my kids are at sleepovers tonight.
I have an evening with responsibility to nobody... I don't even know how to relax anymore.
May a good night's rest be healing to both body and mind.... stress and worry sure do take a toll. I'm grateful that we made it through this storm... it was a hell of a ride.
Off to snuggle with my new baby (okay she is 5) girl pug. What fun.
Between you and I, I will admit it. It is amazing how hard it is to be a caregiver on top of my normal crazy life. Surviving this, my kids, my work, starting grad school.... it has been a LOT to digest and survive.
It also is funny how you see people for who they are when they are given the opportunity to rise to the challenge. I have more respect that ever for my older brother. I have less respect that ever before for my brother inlaw (who was not supportive to my sister -- hello.... he expected her to have his dinner ready when he got home during this madness? What about taking something off her plate for once?).
I am relieved tonight that my kids are at sleepovers tonight.
I have an evening with responsibility to nobody... I don't even know how to relax anymore.
May a good night's rest be healing to both body and mind.... stress and worry sure do take a toll. I'm grateful that we made it through this storm... it was a hell of a ride.
Off to snuggle with my new baby (okay she is 5) girl pug. What fun.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
C-Diff has staying power
WARNING -- C-diff is nasty, don't read further if you are faint of heart.... links carry this warning as well.
What I am finding through this c-diff drama following my Dad's surgery (and unfortunate complications) is that I know more than the doctors. Hello? Do they not research? I've done more reading of the CDC bulletins that my dad's primary care physician and she specializes in geriatric care. It is a good thing I do research and make suggestions! What the heck?
My dad has lost 40 pounds in the last month. He is down to about 5-7 episodes of diarrhea a day vs. the 15-20. He is on his second round of antibiotics. He is eating more finally. He has horrible cramps and is tired and miserable. I know progress is measured week by week, but watching him suffer for such a length of time is difficult. Staying over his house to watch over him is a blessing as we have become closer than ever. I appreciate the gift that he is in my life. I love his fight and humor. I hate watching him suffer like this. He makes surgical recovery look easy but c-diff recovery sometimes feels impossible. It has been 3 weeks. The nurse (who comes to the house) says it will likely be 3 more.... perhaps there is a light at the end of this tunnel?
I'm worn down and tired. Starting grad school, juggling Dad's health care, working, having my own family, dealing with siblings (who are being great for the most part!).... it is all going well, but it is very draining. I'm grateful though -- it IS all going well.
On a brighter note, my sister and I have had HILARIOUS conversations since Pamela's comment on the Grey's Anatomy treatment for c-diff (fecal transplant). We have decided to nominate the older brother to be the donor if it comes to this -- his wife is a great cook and he has the best diet. We giggle endlessly at this option. Not too mature, I admit it. But if you can't laugh where are you in life? We are not right... I know. Should push come to shove, I will let my sister suggest it and my brother donate to the cause...
Dad is making progress. I know he is getting better since he was my knight in shining armour who slayed the evil bee (or wasp?) that threatened me this morning. I'm allergic so I always shudder loudly when I see a bee or wasp.... he got up, grabbed a magazine, and smashed the bugger. My hero! I am always afraid to take them on knowing that I don't carry an epi pen. He must be getting better if he can muster the energy to save me! Thanks for the prayers!
We have a new addition to our household! More soon!
What I am finding through this c-diff drama following my Dad's surgery (and unfortunate complications) is that I know more than the doctors. Hello? Do they not research? I've done more reading of the CDC bulletins that my dad's primary care physician and she specializes in geriatric care. It is a good thing I do research and make suggestions! What the heck?
My dad has lost 40 pounds in the last month. He is down to about 5-7 episodes of diarrhea a day vs. the 15-20. He is on his second round of antibiotics. He is eating more finally. He has horrible cramps and is tired and miserable. I know progress is measured week by week, but watching him suffer for such a length of time is difficult. Staying over his house to watch over him is a blessing as we have become closer than ever. I appreciate the gift that he is in my life. I love his fight and humor. I hate watching him suffer like this. He makes surgical recovery look easy but c-diff recovery sometimes feels impossible. It has been 3 weeks. The nurse (who comes to the house) says it will likely be 3 more.... perhaps there is a light at the end of this tunnel?
I'm worn down and tired. Starting grad school, juggling Dad's health care, working, having my own family, dealing with siblings (who are being great for the most part!).... it is all going well, but it is very draining. I'm grateful though -- it IS all going well.
On a brighter note, my sister and I have had HILARIOUS conversations since Pamela's comment on the Grey's Anatomy treatment for c-diff (fecal transplant). We have decided to nominate the older brother to be the donor if it comes to this -- his wife is a great cook and he has the best diet. We giggle endlessly at this option. Not too mature, I admit it. But if you can't laugh where are you in life? We are not right... I know. Should push come to shove, I will let my sister suggest it and my brother donate to the cause...
Dad is making progress. I know he is getting better since he was my knight in shining armour who slayed the evil bee (or wasp?) that threatened me this morning. I'm allergic so I always shudder loudly when I see a bee or wasp.... he got up, grabbed a magazine, and smashed the bugger. My hero! I am always afraid to take them on knowing that I don't carry an epi pen. He must be getting better if he can muster the energy to save me! Thanks for the prayers!
We have a new addition to our household! More soon!
Monday, April 13, 2009
c-diff
Live and learn. I had thought my dad's surgery was the big hurdle to leap. Silly me! The hurdle is this crazy illness called "C-diff." Who knew you could be recovering from an insanely major AAA surgery (with more than a few complications) just to learn that the real challenge is diarrhea. Again, silly me! Live and learn.
Dad is home and we are caring for him there. It is interesting trying to organize your siblings when you are the 3rd born of 4. Whatever.... I will try not to take this personally. You can try to make a chart for people to sign up for times, but you can't make them organize their lives. I do my best, but there comes a time when I only have so much left. I know this too shall pass so I'm trying really hard not to go off on anyone. It is hard when your siblings don't get it that you too are sacrificing but that you won't make it look that way in front of dad. Hello, he does not need more to worry about! Our job is to make this look easy to him! DUH!
Should be an interesting conversation tomorrow with one particular sibling. I need to be calm when I advise this person that is is our JOB to make this look easy to dad. DUH! Wish me luck!
Dad is home and we are caring for him there. It is interesting trying to organize your siblings when you are the 3rd born of 4. Whatever.... I will try not to take this personally. You can try to make a chart for people to sign up for times, but you can't make them organize their lives. I do my best, but there comes a time when I only have so much left. I know this too shall pass so I'm trying really hard not to go off on anyone. It is hard when your siblings don't get it that you too are sacrificing but that you won't make it look that way in front of dad. Hello, he does not need more to worry about! Our job is to make this look easy to him! DUH!
Should be an interesting conversation tomorrow with one particular sibling. I need to be calm when I advise this person that is is our JOB to make this look easy to dad. DUH! Wish me luck!
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